When You Crawl

"As in the days when you left Egypt, I will show you wonders" Micah 7:15.

In August of 2009 I came to one of the most difficult decision of my life, and that was to have no contact with an unrepentant abusive reprobate parent, my biological mom who my entire life found pleasure in causing me pain, hence lacked remorse for the things she did and said, and to this day has not repent, thus making her an unsafe person to be around, so we have no contact with her in order to be safe from her abuse.


Although Freedom from Abuse was the Promise Land I longed for all my life, it was very hard to cut all ties to Pharaoh. I can relate to Mosses's struggle to leave Egypt and captivity. Unlike Mosses I did not have a position of power, and was the unrepentant abusive parent's number one whipping girl who received the majority of the whippings/attacks, and longed to be free from the bondage of abuse. I thought if only I loved the Momster enough she would see the harm she was doing, stop abusing us, and actually become a loving mom, hey I would have settled for just a mom who would stop abusing me. She didn't have to be loving and nurturing, just stop finding every change she could to bring me down and keep me down. I thought College was the Promise Land, a way for me to escape. However, I was not ready to totally cut ties, and returned to captivity the abusive ruler called the Momster in order to visit my siblings and in hope that the Momster would change, but she would not. 


Mosses had mixed emotions, confusion about his true identity and loyalty, and longed for Pharaoh to repentant, and set GOD's People, his people free. Mosses had to accept the truth that Pharaoh would do anything to maintain his power, and keep the Israelites in slavery. 


In the dessert place Mosses became a Man of GOD, accepted his Unique Purpose to fulfill the Divine Destiny that GOD had placed before him. Mosses had to stay focused on what GOD told him to do, and leave no matter what it took to have freedom from captivity. Mosses saw his personal problems, a stuttering problem, but GOD knew Mosses's potential and purpose, and told Mosses he is the chosen by GOD to lead his people about of captivity, through the wilderness, and into the Promise Land. 


Not everyone supported Mosses, many tried to discourage him, and prevent him from doing what he must do. I am sure that during the process it crossed Mosses's mind to just give up, and have GOD just pick someone else to set the captives free. However, Mosses lined himself up with GOD, and was transformed through Supernatural Strengthening, because he was humble, and surrendered all to be GOD's messenger and servant to lead his people out of captivity.


Did Mosses always get it right? No he stumbled and fumbled did things his way instead of GOD's, but GOD is not looking for perfect people, only imperfect people who know their purpose to fulfill GOD's Perfect Plan, and lead others into the Promised Land.


I can so relate to the journey of the Israelites. Longing for Freedom, Pharaoh refusing to set them free, the fear and uncertainty that eventually arises from not having any idea where you are going to, only that you are leaving something very horrible behind. Facing an ocean of roadblocks that appear to prevent you from going any further, looking behind, and seeing how the enemy is after you not only to put you back in bondage, but to kill you and the ones you love. 


How blessed they were to see GOD miraculously part an ocean of obstacles, and provide them with safe passage. The enemy thought they had won and you were trapped, now find that they are the ones that will be destroyed in the end. Discovering just how long and massive the wilderness is, wondering if you should return to Egypt? Experiencing both good and bad days in the wilderness, and learning to become Righteous and follow GOD's Divine Directions, and experiencing that GOD will provide all our needs. Longing to enter into the Promise Land free from Dysfunction and Abuse. Learning that being in the Promise Land comes with Great Responsibility, most importantly to create a Legacy of Love for your children and future generations, and to teach them that this life in the Promise Land is not possible without GOD.


I have another blog called Dealing with Toxic People which journals my journey out of the pain of the past that held me in bondage, captivity, and in the wilderness. The following is from a post I wrote in March 2010. It is a wonder to now be once again in the month of March getting Marching Orders to leave the captivity that has plagued my husband, our marriage, and family.


Once again the following is what I wrote about leaving my captivity  ruled by the Pharaoh I refer to as The Momster, and how I was encouraging others to escape from their own personal Pharaoh. I have people from all walks of life visit my blog. From devout Christians to Atheists. Some of the greatest compliments I have ever received where from people telling me that I showed them a Jesus they have never met before. Some of those comments came from people that have left their faith, turned their backs on GOD, because they thought GOD turned His back on them by giving him/her an abusive parent/s, or an abusive spouse, or someone else in their life that misrepresented Christ in various abusive ways to them. After sharing my experiences and "Journey with Jesus" some of the compliments were as followed; "Thank You for telling me about & showing me the real Jesus for the first time in my life. I am beginning to read my Bible again, I am looking to find out more about Him, I am re-dedicating my life, I am returning to my Faith, and I am looking for a church to attend. I use to be an atheist. I use to be an agnostic. I am a person of another religion and different faith, but your Jesus is very interesting to me."


Here is what I wrote 2 years ago this very month.


Fear not the change of going No Contact [no contact with the abusive toxic person in their lives], with God all things are possible, and if I can do it, so can you. If He held my hand He will hold yours too. You don't have to be a card carrying Super Christian with perfect church attendance for Him to help you, you don't have to belong to a specific religion, you don't have to come from a perfect family background, you don't have to be as innocent & pure as the day you were born or of a certain sexual orientation, or any other lie people try to tell you or the devil whispers in your ear. 


We can hit our very rock bottom and sink so low according to society's standards, but there is no depth too deep for Jesus. 


Even if you feel like you have sold your very soul, Jesus will buy it back, and make things new again. The very second you turn to Him, you wont have to wait a second for Him to arrive. You will notice He has been there the entire time waiting for you. Those dark days when you are crawling, know that He is there crawling with you. When He reaches out His hand, all you have to do is grab it and if you are too weak to reach for Him, He will reach for you, if you allow Him, He will carry you through. There is saftey in the Savior's loving arms. And if you have to crawl, He will crawl too! 


GOD is with you. Feel His Presence. Let Him unlock the chains that keep you in captivity. Let Him take you through the Wilderness, providing and protecting you, and preparing you to enter into the Promise Land. This is about ending the Legacy of Abuse, and having the Blessing of the Legacy of Love, and an Abundant Life with Jesus Christ.

Where did it all go wrong?

Ever experience how the enemy can turn a good intention into a bad situation?


Yup we had a blow up this morning!


Life is so very complicated, especially when you and your own family are connected to the entanglement of extended family members. In short it is hard to do spring cleaning when other people (your spouse, and our extended family members) insist on holding on to family baggage, that not only weighs everyone down, keeps everyone from moving forward, but it also can become toxic, and can contaminate what you are trying to create, nurture, and grow in your own core family unit.


From unraveling to revealing to restoring and transforming. I pray that sharing the personal details of my life might help someone else is some way. The biggest challenge Church World faces is that we have turned Sunday Morning Service, and the following fellowship time into a Masquerade Ball. Very few Christians are willing to reveal what is going on in their lives. Even Christian writers giving advice on certain topics speak in general terms. Perhaps it's just me, but  I learn best from clear specific detailed examples. 


One of my personal family mottos is that "Let's get Real, in order to Deal, so that GOD can Heal, and Reveal. GOD has Great Plans for all of us. We are not to pass down from one generation to the next the Dysfunctional Dance that slowly Destroys Families. 


In this Season of my life a reoccurring theme is The Pruning Process. When we refuse to allow GOD to prune our lives, then we can not live to our fullest potential. Just like the Israelites, our pride will keep us from entering to the Promise Land. 


We have to ask GOD for Spiritual Discernment to determine what is dead weight, what are things we need to hold onto, and what are the things we need to prune?


This is an Extraordinary long post, because it contains all the extra details. I believe we are to share the details of our lives with one another.

This morning as I am getting Carissa's lunch ready, I am behind schedule, because I have to unexpectedly wash and dry her chapel shirt before I take her to school. So very rushed for time, not a minute to waste, and my handsome hubby thinks he is going to help by stating the obvious which triggered a revisiting discussion of a bad situation we had between each other this past weekend, due to poor communication as well as family baggage. 

After the blow up and fall out, Pride, Egos and Feelings were hurt on both sides, and hubby storms out the front door, and slams it shut as he heads off to work. 

Carissa says, "Mommy I don't like it when you and Daddy argue and fight". Now to put this in proper context, this exchange was absent of name calling, yelling and screaming. It was not a horrible event, but it was bad enough that it requires introspection, and Holy Spirit conviction.

From a wife's perspective, our handsome husbands have a very low threshold, or tolerance for our constructive criticism. Other people can be much more critical, disrespectfully cross the line, and our husbands can handle it, yet if we point out a dent in their armor, well at times all hell can break loose. I never understood this, until GOD showed me the deep desires of my husband's heart is to be my Hero. 


The movie Courageous has blessed me, my hubby, our marriage, and our family in countless ways. GOD uses the movie Courageous to reveal the desires of a husband's heart is to be our Hero, our Protector, our Provider, and our Prince. Seeing things from his perspective is something I need to keep in mind and in my heart, so that I never forget that he is truly my teammate, my best friend, my soulmate, the one GOD chose to be my husband, and my hero.


Back to the Blow Up to illustrate how satan's evil agenda is to turn a family into a foe.


My comment to my handsome hubby Christopher was "stating the obvious does not help, it actually hurts, and slows me down. It is another example of Double Thinking" Double Thinking is a term I used to describe my hubby going behind me, and re-doing something that I had done, or was in the process of doing. It is a practice he picked up as a child watching his own parents interact. In his mind he thinks he is being helpful, and from my perspective it sent me the message that what I am doing is "not good enough" a daily message I received from my very abusive parent as a child. 

As Christopher is driving to work, and I am waiting for Carissa's shirt to dry, I bet my handsome hubby and I are thinking the very same thing, about this morning's blow up. . . 
Where did it all go wrong?

I really want to create the Proper perspective, from my child's point of view she experiences and witnesses her parents respecting, appreciating, valuing, praising, and loving one another both with words and deeds on a daily basis -- most of the time, so anything out of the ordinary exchange of loving attitudes, and behaviors looks pretty bad from her perspective. 


Before I took Carissa to school as we waited for her shirt to dry I had the opportunity to explain to her, and distinguish between a disagreement, an argument, and a fight. Basically I explained to my Beauty who is in Kindergarten that when two or more people fight with one another they are being mean, like calling names, saying bad things about each other, they say horrible things, and can do horrible things like physically hurt one another. When someone says something harmful or does something harmful, like physically hurting us that is called abuse. It is not safe to be around people who are abusing one another. Mommy & Daddy would never abuse one another, that is why we don't fight.


What you saw Mommy and Daddy do was is have a disagreement that grew into an argument.

Carissa said, Mommy who is right? Before I could say well we have to ask GOD? Carissa said, Mommy both you and daddy were wrong. Wisdom beyond her years!

Yes, we were both wrong, and right at the same time. 


Back to what happened this past weekend. The miscommunication that happened this past weekend was a result from Christopher not being clear about who he was talking to, and who he was addressing his comment to. I was in the process of finishing up getting the food on Carissa's plate for dinner, and was almost done, when Christopher said, "Is that the plate you want to use, or do you want to use a different plate?" Since I thought he was addressing me, because he was standing right next to me, literally side to side, since I was fixing Carissa's plate, I naturally thought he was talking to me, and since he has gone behind me in the past to re-do something I had done, well I thought this was history repeating itself, so I said, "Don't Double Think It." 


Well my reply to Christopher did not set well with him or his Dad, which also effected me in a negative way, because at dinner Dad was very snarky, and did a covert attack by making a condescending comment to me which my beloved daughter Carissa was also hurt by the fall out. 


Dinner was very late, both Carissa and I were very hungry, I have low blood sugar which all of the family is well aware of, yet right before we all pray together, Dad decides to say in a very cold condescending way, "we never eat before we pray out of a sign of respect to GOD." Slam. Low Blow. Now I could have easily taken this time to point out many areas in which Dad has not only been very disrespectful towards GOD, but has sinned against GOD, his wife, and his children, or asked a loaded question like, Which do you thinks is more important to GOD praying before you take a bite of food, or reading the Bible which is something I have NEVER seen my hubby's Dad do EVER since I first met hubby's Dad back in 1987. Dad also does not attend Mass, only did for a short time, because Grandma, asked him to do literally on her death bed. Dad vowed to Grandma, and at Grandma's Memorial Service pledged to the Priest, and all the attending witnesses that he would keep his vow to Grandma. Well, he has not. He has broken his vow. On Sunday mornings you will find him at the Country Club. The only time he will attend church is for a special very rare occasion like Carissa's Baby Dedication, and his Daughter's Baptism over two years ago. He wont even come to see Carissa in her first Christmas Play at her Christian School, or watch her sing in church for her first Christmas performance. Well, I could go on, but I think you get the picture.


Before someone accuses me of being a disrespectful daughter-in-law, by uncovering Dad's sins. The Bible does say we are to help one another overcome sin. By covering up we can not overcome it. Dad only sees where others have made mistakes, and denies his own. 


The combination what Dad did and what Christopher didn't do (remain silent and did not defend us) would be considered "The Proverbial Last Straw That Breaks The Camel's Back". Our Husbands are our Heros and they are to protect us from the attacks of Dragons even if that fire breathing is his Dad.


I know GOD has changed me over the past 15 years that I have became a Born Again Christian. Back in 1987, or 1997 after Dad's attacking comment that I & my Daughter were doing something terribly wrong and disrespecting GOD by taking a couple of bits of food before we prayed, I would have returned an entire arsenal of Truth Fire, and there would have been a great war of words, a fight to determine who has acquired the most Bible Knowledge, who is living the most Righteous Life, who is the Bigger Sinner, etc., and that is the enemy's plan and agenda to turn family into foe. 


What Christ has taught me over the years is that GOD does not want a Religion from us, but a personal intimate living Relationship with Him. Christ does not just desire us to acquire Bible Knowledge, but more importantly to apply Bible Knowledge in a Holy Way to Bless others not beat them up.


Instead of pointing out how Dad has hurt his family, I will allow the correction to come from the Holy Spirit and my hubby. I will also use this opportunity as a teaching experience to illustrate how people attack others for having a speck in their eye when they have a huge plank in their own eye. Remove the plank in your own eye first in order that you may see things more clearly. 


In the past I would force my Dad-in-law who I call Dad to walk the plank, and kick him off our family ship, let Satan's Sharks devour him, and sail away with my hubby and my Daughter. However, I do not see things from just my perspective. GOD's Holy Spirit has transformed me and blessed me to see life from GOD's Divine Perspective who loves us all, and wants us to love one another. 


One way we are to love one another is to see life from their perspective, especially when we think and feel that the other person is totally wrong. My own parents are very abusive toxic people who cause harm to others, so I have no contact with either of them, and as a result I have no parents, and Carissa has no grandparents from my side of the family. As long as my hubby keeps his Dad in check, and things don't get worse. Then for my Daughter's sake, so that she can have a least one set of grandparents, I am seeking GOD to help heal the hurt my Dad-in-law caused this past weekend. 


Please pray for us all that there will be accountability, forgiveness, healing, and restoration, all around.

Speaking of seeing things from another person's perspective. As Carissa pointed out, Daddy is right, because he was standing next to grandpa, and the truth of the matter is that Christopher was right in the middle of his Dad and I which is a reoccurring theme from time to time if you know what I mean? 

In dysfunctional families anytime there is a disagreement, an argument, or a fight ensues, satan turns a family into foes where a battle goes on and on until one person is deemed to be Right, the Victor, and the other to be Wrong, aka the Loser. 

It is only when we turn to the Holy Spirit to reveal the Truth, so that with GOD we can turn a disagreement, an argument, and even the worst of fights into a Win-Win Situation. 


How do we do this? By sacrificing a foolish and sinful pride in the Fire of Truth, and instead of looking for People to be Right or Wrong, let's place our primary focus on the choices as being Right or Wrong, so that we can each be accountable for what went wrong, and how we will together with GOD make it Right.

Anytime we come to a disagreement we must ask ourselves; Are we going to be used by the enemy or by GOD? For GOD to use us, and bring Blessings to the Situation, we again, must sacrifice our egos and pride, and instead of fighting for principle we fight for what is Purposeful which is to bring greater understanding and growth.

Instead of focusing on what others did wrong, I need to examine what I did wrong, because the only person I have power to change is myself. The wrong choice I made was to naturally "assume" that my hubby's comment was directed to me. When we actually break down the word ass/u/me, as the old saying goes, when we assume, it makes an ass out of u and me. 


I was busy placing Carissa's food on a plate. My eyes were on what I was doing instead of looking at my husband, so I did not see that he was addressing his Dad and not me. 


I get to ask for forgiveness for not asking for clarification about who my hubby was talking to. I assumed he was talking to me, and I assumed the worst, based on past unresolved problems. I did not give my handsome hubby the benefit of the doubt, and simply ask, "Are you taking to me?"

Confusion and Miscommunication can cause Calamity. 

Are you ready to go a little deeper, and get to The root of Calamity?

Sin is . . .

(background info. My Daughter Carissa is 5 years old, and has wisdom beyond her years. When I was pregnant with Carissa, and my family was honoring me with a baby shower, My Auntie told me, "it is not what we teach our children, but what our children teach us." It is true. Carissa has taught me like no other teacher ever has. Today's topic was sin, and this is what I learned from my favorite teacher.


Sin is . . . .


How would you complete the above statement?


Go ahead and take a moment to actually write it out on a piece of paper. Go ahead. I'll wait for ya!


What is the very first thing that comes to your mind?


Sin is . . . .


What is sin?


How would you define sin?


How would you describe sin?


Sin that is actually intangible, until it is manifested in some way.


What is a good tangible analogy to describe sin, and it's toxic harmful effect?


Modern day society, including far too many in Church World, have become desensitized to sin. Many Christians would describe sin as "natural and normal". A human characteristic, thus to one degree or another acceptable, or at least tolerable, and tolerated. Thus if it is natural and normal, and we all do it, then the natural conclusion is that "it isn't that bad". And if it isn't "that bad" then there is no motivation to stop. There is no desire to truly repentant, and there will always remain a temptation to return to a certain sin that we have deemed "not that bad, normal, and natural".


What if sin had a disgusting repulsive smell to it?


This morning our dog, Lady, pooped in our daughter's play room. Our Daughter Carissa had no idea it was there, so she went into her playroom. I don't know how she missed stepping in it, because there was three different sizes & areas of dog poop. Surrounded by dog poop Carissa cries out for help, "Momma I need you!" Lady pooped in the playroom." I come to her rescue, grab her hand, guide her away, make sure that she can avoid steeping in all the mess, and not track it back with her.


Carissa is disgusted, repulsed, hurt, and angry at our dog Lady, and says, "Momma, Lady did a terrible sin in my playroom. 


Now my initial response would be to correct my daughter by making an excuse for our dog, informing Carissa that what the dog did was "a natural mistake" and not a sin. But something inside me said, "stop, wait, and listen". I know from past experience that this is the Holy Spirit giving me Blessed Guidance, and I am about to get "schooled" by my daughter, the little teacher, and learn something wonderful. So instead of correcting her, I confirmed her accurate assessment. 


You're right sweetie, Lady did sin in the playroom (after all our dog is trained to go to the bathroom outside in the back yard, and has done so for years without "sinning" on the carpet).


Carissa very upset, and out of anger says, "She can't stay in our home. We have to get rid of her."


I questioned my beautiful daughter, So because lady sinned in our home we should get rid of her? Carissa thought about it for a second and said, "Well, we should keep her outside, or in the garage, and never, never, and I mean not EVERRR let her back in our home!"


Now I must say that I was very disappointed, and upset at our dog Lady too, and that thought may have crossed my mind for a second, or a minute or two, and when I later called my husband Christopher at work, and informed him about what the dog had done, it more than crossed his mind, it came out his mouth out of anger. We are currently teaching Carissa, or perhaps she is the one who is teaching us to hold every thought captive. We all have the choice to choose what we will allow to remain in our minds, what comes out of our mouth, and what behavior choices we will make based on the thoughts in our mind, and the emotions & feelings in our hearts.


Talk about a great opportunity to talk about sin, repentance, trust, mercy, grace, and forgiveness! Sin, Repentance, Trust, Mercy, Grace, and Forgiveness are all interconnected. You can't really talk about one without talking about the others too.


With a bit of contemplating I concluded, Carissa is right. Her assessment that Lady did a terrible sin is accurate, and on the mark.


Carissa is right. Sin is like a dog pooping in your home. It is disgusting and repulsive, and it reeks and defiles the place so bad that you are immediately compelled to leave without any hesitation, or temptation to stick around.


It is so very easy for us to see how disgusting another's sin is, but not so easy to see just how gross our own sin is to others, especially GOD.


I could feel something building up, and rising up inside of me, and knew from past experience something fantastic is about to happen, and the Holy Spirit is about to school us, and teach us something wonderful. At this time I had no idea what has about to unfold, and was just being obedient to ask the questions the Holy Spirt told me to ask my daughter.


I asked my Beloved Daughter, How did you become a Christian? She said, "when  I knowed that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, and I asked Him into my heart".


So our heart becomes Jesus's home, and when we sin that means that we have sin in our heart.


Carissa said, just like when Lady sinned, and put poop in our home, our sin is like putting yucky dog poop in our heart which is Jesus's home. 


We both said in unison, OOOOH Gross!


I asked her, Do you see how disgusting our sin is to GOD, and how He can not stay in our heart when we sin?  Would you want to live with dog poop in your home?


That is why repentance is sooo very important. We not only have to turn away from sin, we have to ask The Holy Spirit to help us clean up the sin, so Christ can come back, and live in our heart. The Holy Spirit is our Helper that Jesus gave to us to clean up all the mess sin makes in our heart, and in our life. Just as we clean up our home every day, we have to make sure our heart stays clean every day.


Carissa said, you mean cleaning our heart is like cleaning our home, like doing our chores, like cleaning our messy table?


Yes! Do you remember how proud Mommy and Daddy are of you when you help out and do chores? Remember how I told you that it gives GOD Joy to see you help keep things clean? Do you remember why it gives GOD Joy?


Carissa enthusiastically said, Yes! When we help one another it shows that we love one another, and we appreciate and respect the things GOD has given us, because we have a thankful heart with love and kindness inside of it.


What if we didn't do our chores, and didn't take care of our things, and left them all messy and dirty? What if we didn't clean our dishes, or our clothes? What if we never threw our trash away, and it piled up and up and up all the way to the ceiling.


Carissa said, Then we wouldn't have a very nice clean place to live anymore. We wouldn't have clean dishes, or a clean table, or a clean room to play, or a clean bed to sleep in, and that would be just Horrible!


Would you want to live in a home like that?


Carissa said, No Way!


So do you think it is important to make sure our home stays clean, and when it gets messy that we clean it up as soon as we can?


Carissa said, Momma sometimes we get so busy, and run out of time, and leave things all messy.


You're right sweetheart. That is why we need to budget our time, and make sure we have enough time to clean up. And those times when we make a mistake, and run out of time to clean up our messes we have to do it as soon as we can, which means we don't do anything else until our mess is cleaned up. That means we have to say no to other things, like going to a friend's house to play, when we have a mess to clean up.


Carissa said, But Momma I want to tell you the truth, I don't really like cleaning up messes. And I would much better like to go, and play with my friends.


I know Sweetheart, cleaning up messes is not always fun. It is not always what we want to do, but it is always what we need to do, or our home would keep getting messy, and it would not be fun to live there anymore. 


Carissa do you remember what sin is like to GOD?


Carissa replied with excitement and a giggle; Yes sin is like dog poop!


Carissa asked, How about if we just do a little sin? Is a little sin okay?


Well, is a little bit of dog poop okay to have in your home?


When we confess our sins to GOD, and ask Him to Forgive us, Jesus Christ takes our sin away. Jesus removes every bit of the filthy disgusting stinky gross stain, and stench of the sin. If we do not confess our sin, then Christ can not clean our heart, and if our heart is not clean the Holy Spirit can not live there.


When we do not confess our sin, and we hide it, it is like hiding, and covering up dog poop. The sin is still there even if we lie, argue, and deny it is there, the sin is still there getting stinker and stinker, until it stinks up everything in our home, and ruins EVERYTHING.


All we have to do is confess to get clean, and repent by remembering just how disgusting & repulsive sin is.

Sacred Time

‎"For many of us, we're online in the evenings with our family sitting right there, and we're communicating with people we have never met face-to-face while our real life is happening next to us and we're completely disjointed from it." - Beth Moore

I don't know if you struggle like I do with having enough time for everyone, and everything I want to do. We can easily become rushed, and then not be fully present for the ones we love. We can physically show up, yet mentally be miles away, which creates an emotional & spiritual disconnect. Our loved ones deserve our undivided attention, which means it is just impossible to give everyone our unlimited attention and time. Setting Boundaries & Priorities, Budgeting & being Good Stewards of our Time is essential, so that we do not run out of time for the ones we love.

My hubby Christopher, and I have really been convicted on having Sanctified Time for our Family. The movie, Courageous, has made a wonderful impact on our life, and we resolved to dedicate our lives to do better which meant we had to have an honest, and humbling evaluation of what we have been doing, and how we can do improve, and do better. To paraphrase the main character in Courageous, I don't want to settle for being just a good enough parent, or a good enough spouse according to the word's standards. We want to welcome the Holy Spirit's Compassionate Conviction, and value it as a Blessing not a burden. When the Holy Spirit points out things to change it is to help us not hurt us.

One area of improvement is Dinner Time. We have allowed the world to invade our Sanctified Time together as a Family.  It begins with distractions, and small compromises that have worldly justifications which leads to the destruction of what is Sacred. Here is how the enemy covertly attacks to erode the Family Bond. Christopher works at his office from 8am to 6pm. He also freelances in advertising & marketing, so he works from home as well as at the office. In the past it was very common for him to spend the entire day working on projects, stoping to join us for a meal, yet rushing to finish to get back to work. It left us wondering, Who is his priority? Parents work very hard to provide, but at the end of the day we must evaluate what exactly are we providing our family? 

The memorable scene in the movie Courageous where the daughter asks her daddy to dance really convicted us to have Sanctified Time with our Family, to be fully present & participate, and block out the rest of the world from invading upon our time together. 

Christopher gets home at 6:30pm, and by 8:00pm, 8:30pm at the latest, Carissa is in bed sleeping, so this give us a very limited time to spend together as a Family. How do we keep these 1 1/2 to 2 hours Sacred, so that we can get the most out of this very limited & very available time together? It takes two courageous, and committed parents, as well as a wise child to insure our time together will be blessed. Each one of us must be dedicated to demonstrate how our family is Priority, only second to GOD, and each person willing to be strong to make necessary sacrifices to help create, maintain, and safeguard a Sacred Family Time.

How can a husband be resolved to be Courageous to protect the Sacred Family Time?

For Christopher it means that he does not bring any work with him home. That he is fully dedicated at the office, uses his time wisely, and finishes what he needs to for the day. He must have strong boundaries, so that the demands of his work world, although it often tries, can not invade our Sacred Family Time. People will call Christopher while he is on his way home from work. He has been convicted not to answer, and keep his full attention to the traffic on the road, so that he can make it home safe to the ones he loves. Once he gets home, while parked in the drive way he must make the decision if he is going to return the calls, or wait until later that night to return the call after our child has been tucked into bed, and while I am finishing up some work, as to not take away precious time from the ones he loves. It is also important that Christopher and I have Sacred Couple Time. 

Christopher struggles with being able to resist calling someone back in fear that something crucial has happened that someone needs his help to handle. Everyone knows him as "The Go To Man", so he is the first person many go to for help. He is also a great listener, so he struggles with making conversations short, and to the point. He boasted one time, "Hey I got my phone conversation down to 10 minutes!" Then I had to point out that is 10 minutes per person, so after talking to 6 different people that is 60 minutes, one hour of Family Time, you have given to others that you can not get back. One way to make sure that the demands of work doesn't invade upon Family Time is to make an objective assessment of the situation, Will the world come to and end if you don't complete that task tonight? Most things can wait till tomorrow, when we are back at the office. 

Last night, as Carissa was grading the cheese, Christopher was cutting the tomatoes, and I was finishing up heating up the tortillas we were all discussing how we enjoy doing things as a family, like preparing dinner together. Christopher and I just finished saying that Family Time is Sacred Time, and we both vowed that we would not let others invade it. That very second the house phone rang two separate times, one after the other, and the world was trying to invade. Our resolve was instantaneously being tested. I can laugh at it now, but at the time I was upset at those who were trying to invade.

Just hearing others leave messages distracts, deters, and ruins the special moments we were having as a family. The outside world was competing for our attention, focus, and committment.

Note to self: During Sacred Family Time, turn the ringer, and volume on the message machine off. These are the measures one must take in order to protect our Sacred Family Time from others who would interrupt, invade, and erode the time that is just for family. We must safeguard what we value, which means to eliminate unnecessary distractions & disruptions. After the house phone rings twice, then Christopher's cell phone rings twice, and then two texts on his cell phone come in. Now I could easily get angry at the invaders, and what they are trying to do, but it is not about them invading, it is about Christopher & I being Courageous to protect our Sacred Family Time.

There is a purpose to opposition, because it strengthens our spiritual muscle and resolve. Without a test, there can be no Testimony. If we are to achieve something sacred there must be a sacrifice, something we are willing to give up. So what are the things we had to give up? What was GOD trying to teach us in this moment of choice?

What we must learn to accept and apply to our life is that not everyone values what we value, nor do they value it at the same level we value it. Family Time is Sacred Time for our Family, but others don't see it that way, because they are not a member of our core family, so they don't have a problem interrupting our time. What is important to us is not important, or as important to them. Another reason that others will invade upon the Sacred Family Time is that they are apart of our extended family. Christ has taught us that Family is defined by Love, not biology, so as a result we have an extensive ever growing extended family. This fact alone is the reason it is so very important to keep our core family unit time Sacred. I assure you that we have not perfected this, but we are making progress. At times we stumble and fumble, but GOD's Amazing Grace & Divine Directive gets us back on track.

Where Christopher and I often error is that we think others think like us, meaning that no one would repeatedly call, and text during dinner time unless it was an absolute emergency of some kind, either personal or work related. Therefore out of great concern, and fear that some kind of emergency is happening Christopher returns the call just to find out that it was not an emergency at all. Today Christopher is explaining to his friends & colleagues that when he gets home it is Family Time. Work time is for work, and Family Time is for Family. Just like it is important to use his time wisely at work, he must use his time wisely at home. Christopher had to explain that you only leave multiple messages if it is a true emergency. While his friend's call & question was important & urgent because he had to make a decision right away, it was not an emergency. The friend could have made the decision on his own without calling Christopher, while he wanted Christopher's feedback he didn't need Christopher's feedback. While this friend wanted Christopher to help him to safe time, he was not concerned, or did not realize that he was taking Christopher away from enjoying his family time.

What our experience taught us last night was that we can not depend on others to see things the way we do, to value things the way we do, so we must be Dedicated & Determined to do whatever it takes to protect what we hold sacred, and have confidence that GOD's Approval is the only one that we desire to have, and that it is okay that others do not understand, comprehend or agree. It is also okay if others get upset, and think less of us.

Another thing is to know that GOD is taking care of the needs, and or concerns of others, and we do not have to make ourselves available 24/7 to everyone, because that is in GOD's job description, not ours.

Tonight is Friday night, and this Friday we are having Family Movie Night. We watch one movie with Carissa, then she gets tucked into bed, after prayers are said, and Mommy and Daddy watch our movie. Carissa's movie is, Horton Hears a Who? and we are going to set all cell phones, house phones, and message machines on silent, so we don't hear a peep or beep, and we can enjoy being with one another without any unnecessary interruptions & distractions.

Next week we will discus what a Wife & Mom can do in order to ensure that Family Time remains a Sacred Time.

Thank You Lord Jesus that You have shown us that we can not only say we want a Sacred Time, but that we must do what is necessary to protect our Sacred Time. That we can rest assured that with every sacrifice to protect what is Righteous and Sacred comes a Greater Blessing.

Secular Fast -- 3 Key Questions to Ask

During the Secular Fast I asked myself 3 very important questions in regards to the things I would consume for my mind, soul, and spirit, which also pertained to how I was going to invest my time. How we invest our time goes hand-in-hand with what we consume for our entire being. Recall the picture on the 40 Day Secular Fast Post with the clock made out of spoons and forks. 

I must tell ya that when the Lord gave me the idea of The Secular Fast, I was filled with Passion & Purpose, but I was so not Prepared. I have never done anything like this before. Nothing even close to this. Just like when the Lord gave me the vision for Women of Worth on March 16th of last year, I was so very honored, but felt so very unqualified. Surely there is someone more qualified than I. The Lord continues to bring wonderful men & women in my life that inspire, encourage, and empower me to move forward in my calling, and not to put the Holy Spirit on hold. I walk forward in this journey filled with New Adventures not in confidence, but in obedience, and assurance that the Lord will provide.

I started this New Adventure of the 40 Day Secular Fast totally unprepared, and that is exactly where the Lord wants us to be, so that we have no doubt whatsoever that the blessings we receive along the way come from Him. The Lord provided me with 3 key questions, that equipped me with what I needed to make progress along my journey. It was the road map, that unlocked the hidden treasures that I found in this one adventure. This was so rewarding in countless ways that I am looking forward to the next New Adventure, and what new fascinating gems that will be discovered when traveling with Christ.


There is nothing like taking a Supernatural Journey with Jesus! Only with Christ can we explore uncharted territory, and reach new heights without even leaving our home.

The first discerning question I asked before I invested my time & consumed a certain thing for my mind, soul, and spirit, Does this go against GOD in any way? If yes, it was rejected, and I would not consume it. There was once a time in my life where I would tolerate people, and things that went against GOD, due to other's freedom of expression, no matter how much I disagreed with their feelings, thoughts, beliefs, etc. What I have come to realize is that while they have the freedom to express themselves, I have the freedom to not have to hear it, or be around it.

Things that go directly against GOD, cause us to compromise what the Lord has taught us, and one compromise leads to another, and we wonder how did things go so wrong? Things that glorify the enemy are things that disgust & repulse me, so it is not hard to reject & refuse to be apart of such things anymore. I know that things of the enemy are toxic, and are meant to destroy, so they are not tempting when I can identify their source.

If there was any doubt, I asked myself what if the Lord was here with me would I watch this, listen to this, read this, or participate in this? Some things are very deceptive, they appear to be harmless, they start off okay, then it quickly, or gradually turns into something terrible, and it is eventually revealed that it is not what it once appeared to be. In the past, I would tell myself to wait it out. I am already invested this far, so let's just see how it all turns out. Maybe there will be some redeeming quality to this. The thing is, I always regretted that I kept with it when I should have walked away the minute it went wrong. The enemy deceives, and sets traps, but we must realize that we have The Power to Walk Away. The Power of the Walk Away is Wonderful. As soon as something is not right, simply leave, walk away, stop watching, stop listening, stop reading, stop participating, shut down the enemy's power to contaminate, and waste your time.  

The second question was, Does this benefit my life? If something is not a benefit, an additional support, or change my life in a positive direction, than it is a waste of time. We could rephrase this by asking, Is this Spiritually Profitable? Our time is very precious, and we should invest it wisely. We could also ask ourselves, What kind of return will I get if I invest my time in this? 

This brings me to the third question, and pertains to planning out where, when, and how we are to invest our time with purpose. Just as a Business Person plans where, how much, and how long s/he will invest his/her money, or a farmer plans out what s/he will plant this season, so should we have a purposeful plan on exactly where to invest our time. What are the things we should focus our attention on during a given season of our life? There are so many great choices to select from, How do we know which is right for us? All the choices might be Righteous, but they are not right for us right now. For example, when I was a Baby Christian, my first visit to a Christian Store was very memorable. So many great choices to choose from with a variety of different topics, and different authors. The Christian Store was like a Spiritual Grocery Store where I went around filling up my basket, with all sorts of goodies. I went home and discovered I had so many fantastic books, and I began to read them all. Now you might think this was a good thing, but it was not. 

There was so much wonderful information that it became overwhelming. I imagine this must be what it is like for the college freshmen that is undeclared. Before starting college I knew I wanted to major in psychology. Before I moved into the dorms, I knew what General Education classes I had to take, and the Psychology Classes that I was going to take based on my concentration in a specific area of psychology. There is a reason that colleges encourage students to limit themselves to a certain amount of classes during a certain duration of time, and that is so they can concentrate on learning the new information, not just obtaining it, but more importantly maintaining it, and have the benefit of applied knowledge later on in life. Students who take more than the recommended full-time amount of classes don't really enjoy the process, they are just getting through to reach a certain goal, graduation. But have they truly obtained what they need, or are they lacking, ill equipped, because they rushed it? Quickly In, Quickly Out.

Colleges provide their students with Counselors and Mentors to help direct each student based on their talents, interests, needs, and long-term goals. Isn't Awesome that the Holy Spirit is a Wonderful Counselor that knows exactly what we need when we need it? It is not possible to have it all, all at once. Sure we can try, and in the process of trying to do it all, we could lose it all. Life is a Journey, a Process, a Progression. All In Due Season.

Praise Jesus Christ that in His Holy Spirit's Job Description includes Investment Expert & Time Manager. We are to first seek the Lord in where, and how, and for how long we are to invest our time for each given season. We are to balance our time wisely through diverse disbursements. Time just with GOD, time for family, friends, fellowship, discipleship, and outreach across town and/or across the world. We have to safeguard our priorities, and sanctify our time with our love ones.

Before the next Quarter, Semester, or Season of Life begins seek the Lord's Counsel, and Divine Direction, for His foresight reaches far beyond our own. GOD knows what is coming up next, so He is the One we should look to for preparing us for what we will need in the next season. 

Therefore, the third question we can ask ourselves when investing our time would be, Does this line up with the course work GOD has for me for this season of life? Does this support my area of concentration?  For example, let's say that the Lord has said to invest more time in your marriage, and a woman's retreat is coming up. Sounds like a great opportunity to spend some time with the Sisters, there is going to be a fantastic speaker with an interesting topic, the location sounds wonderful, and you really feel like getting away for the weekend. Thing is the Lord has said to focus on the marriage. Of course our natural response is, can't I do both? My marriage is doing okay, in fact it is pretty good. What did the Lord say to focus on? This is the season that the Lord wants to grow your marriage from good to great. 

You know what I have discovered is that everything in life comes back to two things, Trust & Obeying the Lord. That it is okay to not understand what the Lord has planned, but to know that it all works out for our good. The Greatest Lesson we can learn is from Christ's example when He spoke to His Holy Parent and said, "Not My Will, But Your Will Be Done."

Our Greatest Blessings in life are a result from obeying the Lord, and our worst mistakes come from disobeying the Lord. 

I praise You Lord that You are the Greatest Guidance Counselor whose office hours are open 24/7 just in case we get confused, disoriented, and lost, You are always there to help us find the way. I love You Lord.

The 40 Day Secular Fast

Just as important as the food we choose to nourish our bodies, are the choices we select to feed our Mind, Soul, and Spirit. As Christians we are to have discernment, and make healthy choices for what we consume for our Mind, Soul, and Spirit.

Before I began The 40 Day Secular Fast, I wonder what if we used, "The Light System" to identify and discern whether or not something is spiritually healthy for us? Inspired by "The Light System" used to determine and discern healthy food choices, I used the same type of system to help select Healthy Choices for a "Healthy Mind, Soul, and Spirit". 

Day 40 is here! The 40 Day Secular Fast was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but so VERY worth it! It caused me to get out of my comfort zone, and to stretch and grow in Christ. I assure you I was not totally perfect in my journey. I stumbled and fumbled a couple of times, and the enemy attacked me when I was down condemning me with lies, about how I am not "Good Enough, and how I let down & failed others, especially GOD", but I focused on GOD's Word about Redemption, and His Amazing Holy Love full of Mercy & Grace. I focused on the Lord's Voice full of Love, Compassion, Inspiration, Encouragement, and Empowerment which restored my determination, and I got back on track, and continued with my journey. If the enemy gets ya down, grab hold of Christ, and He'll get ya back up. His Holy Spirit is our back up, get up, and go forward. Amen!

During my 40 Day Secular Fast I did not consume anything for my mind, soul, and spirit that went against GOD, or mocked Him, His Word, or His Followers, my Brothers & Sisters in Christ. It is important that we acknowledge our achievements, and not allow the enemy to beat us up over our shortcomings, slip ups or mistakes. It is about creating a healthy balance between the things we did well, and the things we can do better next time. Instead of looking at our fumbles as failures, we can look at them as something to work on, and turn them into a new goal. 

Today is a day of celebration. Reflect upon your journey thus far. What did you do well? What did you accomplish? What did you learn? What is the blessing that came out of this adventure & journey? Rejoice, and again I say Rejoice. You challenged yourself, you did something you have not done before. Your reward is that you are growing closer to Christ, and in doing so your very being is transformed. Whether, or not others notice the change, GOD sees it, and that is all that matters. Amen!

Here is a little bit about my Secular Fast Journey that I would like to share with you. There is so much more to this adventure, that I could fill a book, or at least a little booklet, but for now I will just journal my journey on this blog.


During the Secular Fast I asked myself 3 very important questions in regards to the things I would consume for my mind, soul, and spirit, which also pertained to how I was going to invest my time. How we invest our time goes hand-in-hand with what we consume for our entire being. Hence the picture above with the clock made out of spoons and forks.

When making healthy choices for our total well being, I discovered 3 discerning questions that greatly benefited me during my Secular Fast. In the next post, Secular Fast -- 3 Key Questions to Ask, I talk about them, and how they blessed my decision making, and my life. Wonder what these 3 Questions could be, click here to find out!

Sealed in Love

Today marks the 32nd day of our Secular Fast. From what I have learned, the Biblical Numerology Meanings of 32 is in association with having a covenant or agreement with a certain person or group. What first comes to mind when you think of a covenant relationship or agreement?

When I think of a covenant relationship, the first thing that comes to mind is the one we have with Christ as Christians, and the bearers of His Name. Then there is the covenant relationship between a husband and wife, and mother and child. 

Do you know why these are called Covenant Relationships? Because it took the shedding of blood to bring about the relationship which is sacred, and sanctified, set apart from others. As much as we love other children, we love our own even more, same is true with GOD. GOD loves all people, but those who are truly Christ Followers, and not just Christians in name only, He has a sacred & sanctified relationship with which is manifested in their lives in marvelous, and countless ways. 

I have noticed a remarkable difference between the life of a Believer, and a loyal, dedicated, faithful Christ Follower. Although both consider themselves Christians, the Christ Followers have this peace that flows throughout their lives, even through the harshest of storms there is still this stability, peace and even joy as the storm rages on -- how is that even possible? 

There is a noticeable difference in the house of the Christ Follower. For years I would ponder over why the lives of two Christians would be so very different. Why is the Presence of the Lord so strong in one life, and lacking in the other? Was it that one had a better church attendance? Memorized & could quote more Sacred Scriptures? Had a pure-bred Christian pedigree? No, none of this was the key.
Why would one Christian seem to have favor over another?

It is not favoritism, it is a Supernatural Consequence of being Closer to Christ. Okay, so then, How do we become closer to Christ? By obeying the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the key to creating & maintaining a dedicated & committed covenant relationship with GOD. It is our partnership, or union with the Holy Spirit that makes the covenant relationship possible. It is our union with Chirst's Holy Spirit that makes the communion with GOD possible. Without the Holy Spirit's Presence in our daily life, there is lack of Righteous & Holy Commitment & Dedication. Without a Righteous & Holy Commitment, there is no Covenant. 


Without the Presence of the Holy Spirit we become tempted to sin, because the enemy is poised, and ready to pounce to take us down the second the Holy Spirit is not with us, like a lion that stocks a baby dear, and waits for it to be just far enough away that it becomes defenseless, and doomed. It is our choice to sin that separates us from GOD, and leaves us wide open for the enemy to destroy us. When we sin we betray GOD, ungrateful for GOD's Gift of the Holy Spirit, like an ungrateful and spoiled child, our sinful pride & ego deceives us to think we can do just fine on our own without the Holy Spirit's blessings of discernment, and protection. It is the unrepentant heart, mind, and spirit of the sinner that betrays & breaks the seal, and destroys the covenant.


Betrayal breaks the covenant seal. Can anything restore a broken seal? Not in this world, not of this world. It takes a Supernatural Love to provide a way, and we must accept GOD's Way. Not just receiving, but more importantly accepting, and highly valuing the Holy Spirit's Conviction, that leads to Repentance, Restoration, and Redemption, and all the countless blessings that come with having Reconciliation with our Holy Parent.