Saturday, March 31, 2012

Getting Dumped On

Last night I had a dream of a huge large dump trunk delivering the contents to my home, and dumping tons of rotten decaying stinkin lemons on my front lawn!

Okay my front lawn is covered in stinkin rotten garbage. I get the symbolism and the analogy that we unexpectedly get dumped on by other people's rotten decaying garbage that they wont get rid of, and everyone expects me to clean it up. Well that stinks!

I get it Papa GOD, Life can be Rotten & Bitter.

Papa I am so very sick and tired of trying to clean up other people's garbage.

And Papa says, Honey you can not change other people's problems, that is not the Purpose.

Papa, What am I to do?

Gather up all those rotten stickin decaying lemons hold them up to the Son's Light, and watch them all be restored and transformed into something wonderful. WOW!

Life can be Rotten, but I don't have to be.

Life can be Bitter, but I don't have to be.

Life can be Rotten and Bitter, but GOD makes it Better, and transforms one stinkin lemon at a time.
Lemonade Anyone?

What do you do when you get dumped on?

When life gives you lemons. .  . make lemonade.

What is your recipe for making lemonade?

Thursday, March 29, 2012

When You Crawl

"As in the days when you left Egypt, I will show you wonders" Micah 7:15.

In August of 2009 I came to one of the most difficult decision of my life, and that was to have no contact with an unrepentant abusive reprobate parent, my biological mom who my entire life found pleasure in causing me pain, hence lacked remorse for the things she did and said, and to this day has not repent, thus making her an unsafe person to be around, so we have no contact with her in order to be safe from her abuse.

Although Freedom from Abuse was the Promise Land I longed for all my life, it was very hard to cut all ties to Pharaoh. I can relate to Mosses's struggle to leave Egypt and captivity. Unlike Mosses I did not have a position of power, and was the unrepentant abusive parent's number one whipping girl who received the majority of the whippings/attacks, and longed to be free from the bondage of abuse. I thought if only I loved the Momster enough she would see the harm she was doing, stop abusing us, and actually become a loving mom, hey I would have settled for just a mom who would stop abusing me. She didn't have to be loving and nurturing, just stop finding every change she could to bring me down and keep me down. I thought College was the Promise Land, a way for me to escape. However, I was not ready to totally cut ties, and returned to captivity the abusive ruler called the Momster in order to visit my siblings and in hope that the Momster would change, but she would not. 

Mosses had mixed emotions, confusion about his true identity and loyalty, and longed for Pharaoh to repentant, and set GOD's People, his people free. Mosses had to accept the truth that Pharaoh would do anything to maintain his power, and keep the Israelites in slavery. 

In the dessert place Mosses became a Man of GOD, accepted his Unique Purpose to fulfill the Divine Destiny that GOD had placed before him. Mosses had to stay focused on what GOD told him to do, and leave no matter what it took to have freedom from captivity. Mosses saw his personal problems, a stuttering problem, but GOD knew Mosses's potential and purpose, and told Mosses he is the chosen by GOD to lead his people about of captivity, through the wilderness, and into the Promise Land. 

Not everyone supported Mosses, many tried to discourage him, and prevent him from doing what he must do. I am sure that during the process it crossed Mosses's mind to just give up, and have GOD just pick someone else to set the captives free. However, Mosses lined himself up with GOD, and was transformed through Supernatural Strengthening, because he was humble, and surrendered all to be GOD's messenger and servant to lead his people out of captivity.

Did Mosses always get it right? No he stumbled and fumbled did things his way instead of GOD's, but GOD is not looking for perfect people, only imperfect people who know their purpose to fulfill GOD's Perfect Plan, and lead others into the Promised Land.

I can so relate to the journey of the Israelites. Longing for Freedom, Pharaoh refusing to set them free, the fear and uncertainty that eventually arises from not having any idea where you are going to, only that you are leaving something very horrible behind. Facing an ocean of roadblocks that appear to prevent you from going any further, looking behind, and seeing how the enemy is after you not only to put you back in bondage, but to kill you and the ones you love. 

How blessed they were to see GOD miraculously part an ocean of obstacles, and provide them with safe passage. The enemy thought they had won and you were trapped, now find that they are the ones that will be destroyed in the end. Discovering just how long and massive the wilderness is, wondering if you should return to Egypt? Experiencing both good and bad days in the wilderness, and learning to become Righteous and follow GOD's Divine Directions, and experiencing that GOD will provide all our needs. Longing to enter into the Promise Land free from Dysfunction and Abuse. Learning that being in the Promise Land comes with Great Responsibility, most importantly to create a Legacy of Love for your children and future generations, and to teach them that this life in the Promise Land is not possible without GOD.

I have another blog called Dealing with Toxic People which journals my journey out of the pain of the past that held me in bondage, captivity, and in the wilderness. The following is from a post I wrote in March 2010. It is a wonder to now be once again in the month of March getting Marching Orders to leave the captivity that has plagued my husband, our marriage, and family.

Once again the following is what I wrote about leaving my captivity  ruled by the Pharaoh I refer to as The Momster, and how I was encouraging others to escape from their own personal Pharaoh. I have people from all walks of life visit my blog. From devout Christians to Atheists. Some of the greatest compliments I have ever received where from people telling me that I showed them a Jesus they have never met before. Some of those comments came from people that have left their faith, turned their backs on GOD, because they thought GOD turned His back on them by giving him/her an abusive parent/s, or an abusive spouse, or someone else in their life that misrepresented Christ in various abusive ways to them. After sharing my experiences and "Journey with Jesus" some of the compliments were as followed; "Thank You for telling me about & showing me the real Jesus for the first time in my life. I am beginning to read my Bible again, I am looking to find out more about Him, I am re-dedicating my life, I am returning to my Faith, and I am looking for a church to attend. I use to be an atheist. I use to be an agnostic. I am a person of another religion and different faith, but your Jesus is very interesting to me."

Here is what I wrote 2 years ago this very month.

Fear not the change of going No Contact [no contact with the abusive toxic person in their lives], with God all things are possible, and if I can do it, so can you. If He held my hand He will hold yours too. You don't have to be a card carrying Super Christian with perfect church attendance for Him to help you, you don't have to belong to a specific religion, you don't have to come from a perfect family background, you don't have to be as innocent & pure as the day you were born or of a certain sexual orientation, or any other lie people try to tell you or the devil whispers in your ear. 

We can hit our very rock bottom and sink so low according to society's standards, but there is no depth too deep for Jesus

Even if you feel like you have sold your very soul, Jesus will buy it back, and make things new again. The very second you turn to Him, you wont have to wait a second for Him to arrive. You will notice He has been there the entire time waiting for you. Those dark days when you are crawling, know that He is there crawling with you. When He reaches out His hand, all you have to do is grab it and if you are too weak to reach for Him, He will reach for you, if you allow Him, He will carry you through. There is saftey in the Savior's loving arms. And if you have to crawl, He will crawl too! 

GOD is with you. Feel His Presence. Let Him unlock the chains that keep you in captivity. Let Him take you through the Wilderness, providing and protecting you, and preparing you to enter into the Promise Land. This is about ending the Legacy of Abuse, and having the Blessing of the Legacy of Love, and an Abundant Life with Jesus Christ.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Where did it all go wrong?

Ever experience how the enemy can turn a good intention into a bad situation?

Yup we had a blow up this morning!

Life is so very complicated, especially when you and your own family are connected to the entanglement of extended family members. In short it is hard to do spring cleaning when other people (your spouse, and our extended family members) insist on holding on to family baggage, that not only weighs everyone down, keeps everyone from moving forward, but it also can become toxic, and can contaminate what you are trying to create, nurture, and grow in your own core family unit.

From unraveling to revealing to restoring and transforming. I pray that sharing the personal details of my life might help someone else is some way. The biggest challenge Church World faces is that we have turned Sunday Morning Service, and the following fellowship time into a Masquerade Ball. Very few Christians are willing to reveal what is going on in their lives. Even Christian writers giving advice on certain topics speak in general terms. Perhaps it's just me, but  I learn best from clear specific detailed examples. 

One of my personal family mottos is that "Let's get Real, in order to Deal, so that GOD can Heal, and Reveal. GOD has Great Plans for all of us. We are not to pass down from one generation to the next the Dysfunctional Dance that slowly Destroys Families. 

In this Season of my life a reoccurring theme is The Pruning Process. When we refuse to allow GOD to prune our lives, then we can not live to our fullest potential. Just like the Israelites, our pride will keep us from entering to the Promise Land. 

We have to ask GOD for Spiritual Discernment to determine what is dead weight, what are things we need to hold onto, and what are the things we need to prune?

This is an Extraordinary long post, because it contains all the extra details. I believe we are to share the details of our lives with one another.

This morning as I am getting Carissa's lunch ready, I am behind schedule, because I have to unexpectedly wash and dry her chapel shirt before I take her to school. So very rushed for time, not a minute to waste, and my handsome hubby thinks he is going to help by stating the obvious which triggered a revisiting discussion of a bad situation we had between each other this past weekend, due to poor communication as well as family baggage. 

After the blow up and fall out, Pride, Egos and Feelings were hurt on both sides, and hubby storms out the front door, and slams it shut as he heads off to work. 

Carissa says, "Mommy I don't like it when you and Daddy argue and fight". Now to put this in proper context, this exchange was absent of name calling, yelling and screaming. It was not a horrible event, but it was bad enough that it requires introspection, and Holy Spirit conviction.

From a wife's perspective, our handsome husbands have a very low threshold, or tolerance for our constructive criticism. Other people can be much more critical, disrespectfully cross the line, and our husbands can handle it, yet if we point out a dent in their armor, well at times all hell can break loose. I never understood this, until GOD showed me the deep desires of my husband's heart is to be my Hero. 

The movie Courageous has blessed me, my hubby, our marriage, and our family in countless ways. GOD uses the movie Courageous to reveal the desires of a husband's heart is to be our Hero, our Protector, our Provider, and our Prince. Seeing things from his perspective is something I need to keep in mind and in my heart, so that I never forget that he is truly my teammate, my best friend, my soulmate, the one GOD chose to be my husband, and my hero.

Back to the Blow Up to illustrate how satan's evil agenda is to turn a family into a foe.

My comment to my handsome hubby Christopher was "stating the obvious does not help, it actually hurts, and slows me down. It is another example of Double Thinking" Double Thinking is a term I used to describe my hubby going behind me, and re-doing something that I had done, or was in the process of doing. It is a practice he picked up as a child watching his own parents interact. In his mind he thinks he is being helpful, and from my perspective it sent me the message that what I am doing is "not good enough" a daily message I received from my very abusive parent as a child. 

As Christopher is driving to work, and I am waiting for Carissa's shirt to dry, I bet my handsome hubby and I are thinking the very same thing, about this morning's blow up. . . 
Where did it all go wrong?

I really want to create the Proper perspective, from my child's point of view she experiences and witnesses her parents respecting, appreciating, valuing, praising, and loving one another both with words and deeds on a daily basis -- most of the time, so anything out of the ordinary exchange of loving attitudes, and behaviors looks pretty bad from her perspective. 

Before I took Carissa to school as we waited for her shirt to dry I had the opportunity to explain to her, and distinguish between a disagreement, an argument, and a fight. Basically I explained to my Beauty who is in Kindergarten that when two or more people fight with one another they are being mean, like calling names, saying bad things about each other, they say horrible things, and can do horrible things like physically hurt one another. When someone says something harmful or does something harmful, like physically hurting us that is called abuse. It is not safe to be around people who are abusing one another. Mommy & Daddy would never abuse one another, that is why we don't fight.

What you saw Mommy and Daddy do was is have a disagreement that grew into an argument.

Carissa said, Mommy who is right? Before I could say well we have to ask GOD? Carissa said, Mommy both you and daddy were wrong. Wisdom beyond her years!

Yes, we were both wrong, and right at the same time. 

Back to what happened this past weekend. The miscommunication that happened this past weekend was a result from Christopher not being clear about who he was talking to, and who he was addressing his comment to. I was in the process of finishing up getting the food on Carissa's plate for dinner, and was almost done, when Christopher said, "Is that the plate you want to use, or do you want to use a different plate?" Since I thought he was addressing me, because he was standing right next to me, literally side to side, since I was fixing Carissa's plate, I naturally thought he was talking to me, and since he has gone behind me in the past to re-do something I had done, well I thought this was history repeating itself, so I said, "Don't Double Think It." 

Well my reply to Christopher did not set well with him or his Dad, which also effected me in a negative way, because at dinner Dad was very snarky, and did a covert attack by making a condescending comment to me which my beloved daughter Carissa was also hurt by the fall out. 

Dinner was very late, both Carissa and I were very hungry, I have low blood sugar which all of the family is well aware of, yet right before we all pray together, Dad decides to say in a very cold condescending way, "we never eat before we pray out of a sign of respect to GOD." Slam. Low Blow. Now I could have easily taken this time to point out many areas in which Dad has not only been very disrespectful towards GOD, but has sinned against GOD, his wife, and his children, or asked a loaded question like, Which do you thinks is more important to GOD praying before you take a bite of food, or reading the Bible which is something I have NEVER seen my hubby's Dad do EVER since I first met hubby's Dad back in 1987. Dad also does not attend Mass, only did for a short time, because Grandma, asked him to do literally on her death bed. Dad vowed to Grandma, and at Grandma's Memorial Service pledged to the Priest, and all the attending witnesses that he would keep his vow to Grandma. Well, he has not. He has broken his vow. On Sunday mornings you will find him at the Country Club. The only time he will attend church is for a special very rare occasion like Carissa's Baby Dedication, and his Daughter's Baptism over two years ago. He wont even come to see Carissa in her first Christmas Play at her Christian School, or watch her sing in church for her first Christmas performance. Well, I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

Before someone accuses me of being a disrespectful daughter-in-law, by uncovering Dad's sins. The Bible does say we are to help one another overcome sin. By covering up we can not overcome it. Dad only sees where others have made mistakes, and denies his own. 

The combination what Dad did and what Christopher didn't do (remain silent and did not defend us) would be considered "The Proverbial Last Straw That Breaks The Camel's Back". Our Husbands are our Heros and they are to protect us from the attacks of Dragons even if that fire breathing is his Dad.

I know GOD has changed me over the past 15 years that I have became a Born Again Christian. Back in 1987, or 1997 after Dad's attacking comment that I & my Daughter were doing something terribly wrong and disrespecting GOD by taking a couple of bits of food before we prayed, I would have returned an entire arsenal of Truth Fire, and there would have been a great war of words, a fight to determine who has acquired the most Bible Knowledge, who is living the most Righteous Life, who is the Bigger Sinner, etc., and that is the enemy's plan and agenda to turn family into foe. 

What Christ has taught me over the years is that GOD does not want a Religion from us, but a personal intimate living Relationship with Him. Christ does not just desire us to acquire Bible Knowledge, but more importantly to apply Bible Knowledge in a Holy Way to Bless others not beat them up.

Instead of pointing out how Dad has hurt his family, I will allow the correction to come from the Holy Spirit and my hubby. I will also use this opportunity as a teaching experience to illustrate how people attack others for having a speck in their eye when they have a huge plank in their own eye. Remove the plank in your own eye first in order that you may see things more clearly. 

In the past I would force my Dad-in-law who I call Dad to walk the plank, and kick him off our family ship, let Satan's Sharks devour him, and sail away with my hubby and my Daughter. However, I do not see things from just my perspective. GOD's Holy Spirit has transformed me and blessed me to see life from GOD's Divine Perspective who loves us all, and wants us to love one another. 

One way we are to love one another is to see life from their perspective, especially when we think and feel that the other person is totally wrong. My own parents are very abusive toxic people who cause harm to others, so I have no contact with either of them, and as a result I have no parents, and Carissa has no grandparents from my side of the family. As long as my hubby keeps his Dad in check, and things don't get worse. Then for my Daughter's sake, so that she can have a least one set of grandparents, I am seeking GOD to help heal the hurt my Dad-in-law caused this past weekend. 

Please pray for us all that there will be accountability, forgiveness, healing, and restoration, all around.

Speaking of seeing things from another person's perspective. As Carissa pointed out, Daddy is right, because he was standing next to grandpa, and the truth of the matter is that Christopher was right in the middle of his Dad and I which is a reoccurring theme from time to time if you know what I mean? 

In dysfunctional families anytime there is a disagreement, an argument, or a fight ensues, satan turns a family into foes where a battle goes on and on until one person is deemed to be Right, the Victor, and the other to be Wrong, aka the Loser. 

It is only when we turn to the Holy Spirit to reveal the Truth, so that with GOD we can turn a disagreement, an argument, and even the worst of fights into a Win-Win Situation. 

How do we do this? By sacrificing a foolish and sinful pride in the Fire of Truth, and instead of looking for People to be Right or Wrong, let's place our primary focus on the choices as being Right or Wrong, so that we can each be accountable for what went wrong, and how we will together with GOD make it Right.

Anytime we come to a disagreement we must ask ourselves; Are we going to be used by the enemy or by GOD? For GOD to use us, and bring Blessings to the Situation, we again, must sacrifice our egos and pride, and instead of fighting for principle we fight for what is Purposeful which is to bring greater understanding and growth.

Instead of focusing on what others did wrong, I need to examine what I did wrong, because the only person I have power to change is myself. The wrong choice I made was to naturally "assume" that my hubby's comment was directed to me. When we actually break down the word ass/u/me, as the old saying goes, when we assume, it makes an ass out of u and me. 

I was busy placing Carissa's food on a plate. My eyes were on what I was doing instead of looking at my husband, so I did not see that he was addressing his Dad and not me. 

I get to ask for forgiveness for not asking for clarification about who my hubby was talking to. I assumed he was talking to me, and I assumed the worst, based on past unresolved problems. I did not give my handsome hubby the benefit of the doubt, and simply ask, "Are you taking to me?"

Confusion and Miscommunication can cause Calamity. 

Are you ready to go a little deeper, and get to The root of Calamity?