Thursday, March 29, 2012

When You Crawl


"As in the days when you left Egypt, I will show you wonders" Micah 7:15.

In August of 2009 I came to one of the most difficult decision of my life, and that was to have no contact with an unrepentant abusive reprobate parent, my biological mom who my entire life found pleasure in causing me pain, hence lacked remorse for the things she did and said, and to this day has not repent, thus making her an unsafe person to be around, so we have no contact with her in order to be safe from her abuse.


Although Freedom from Abuse was the Promise Land I longed for all my life, it was very hard to cut all ties to Pharaoh. I can relate to Mosses's struggle to leave Egypt and captivity. Unlike Mosses I did not have a position of power, and was the unrepentant abusive parent's number one whipping girl who received the majority of the whippings/attacks, and longed to be free from the bondage of abuse. I thought if only I loved the Momster enough she would see the harm she was doing, stop abusing us, and actually become a loving mom, hey I would have settled for just a mom who would stop abusing me. She didn't have to be loving and nurturing, just stop finding every change she could to bring me down and keep me down. I thought College was the Promise Land, a way for me to escape. However, I was not ready to totally cut ties, and returned to captivity the abusive ruler called the Momster in order to visit my siblings and in hope that the Momster would change, but she would not. 


Mosses had mixed emotions, confusion about his true identity and loyalty, and longed for Pharaoh to repentant, and set GOD's People, his people free. Mosses had to accept the truth that Pharaoh would do anything to maintain his power, and keep the Israelites in slavery. 


In the dessert place Mosses became a Man of GOD, accepted his Unique Purpose to fulfill the Divine Destiny that GOD had placed before him. Mosses had to stay focused on what GOD told him to do, and leave no matter what it took to have freedom from captivity. Mosses saw his personal problems, a stuttering problem, but GOD knew Mosses's potential and purpose, and told Mosses he is the chosen by GOD to lead his people about of captivity, through the wilderness, and into the Promise Land. 


Not everyone supported Mosses, many tried to discourage him, and prevent him from doing what he must do. I am sure that during the process it crossed Mosses's mind to just give up, and have GOD just pick someone else to set the captives free. However, Mosses lined himself up with GOD, and was transformed through Supernatural Strengthening, because he was humble, and surrendered all to be GOD's messenger and servant to lead his people out of captivity.


Did Mosses always get it right? No he stumbled and fumbled did things his way instead of GOD's, but GOD is not looking for perfect people, only imperfect people who know their purpose to fulfill GOD's Perfect Plan, and lead others into the Promised Land.


I can so relate to the journey of the Israelites. Longing for Freedom, Pharaoh refusing to set them free, the fear and uncertainty that eventually arises from not having any idea where you are going to, only that you are leaving something very horrible behind. Facing an ocean of roadblocks that appear to prevent you from going any further, looking behind, and seeing how the enemy is after you not only to put you back in bondage, but to kill you and the ones you love. 


How blessed they were to see GOD miraculously part an ocean of obstacles, and provide them with safe passage. The enemy thought they had won and you were trapped, now find that they are the ones that will be destroyed in the end. Discovering just how long and massive the wilderness is, wondering if you should return to Egypt? Experiencing both good and bad days in the wilderness, and learning to become Righteous and follow GOD's Divine Directions, and experiencing that GOD will provide all our needs. Longing to enter into the Promise Land free from Dysfunction and Abuse. Learning that being in the Promise Land comes with Great Responsibility, most importantly to create a Legacy of Love for your children and future generations, and to teach them that this life in the Promise Land is not possible without GOD.


I have another blog called Dealing with Toxic People which journals my journey out of the pain of the past that held me in bondage, captivity, and in the wilderness. The following is from a post I wrote in March 2010. It is a wonder to now be once again in the month of March getting Marching Orders to leave the captivity that has plagued my husband, our marriage, and family.


Once again the following is what I wrote about leaving my captivity  ruled by the Pharaoh I refer to as The Momster, and how I was encouraging others to escape from their own personal Pharaoh. I have people from all walks of life visit my blog. From devout Christians to Atheists. Some of the greatest compliments I have ever received where from people telling me that I showed them a Jesus they have never met before. Some of those comments came from people that have left their faith, turned their backs on GOD, because they thought GOD turned His back on them by giving him/her an abusive parent/s, or an abusive spouse, or someone else in their life that misrepresented Christ in various abusive ways to them. After sharing my experiences and "Journey with Jesus" some of the compliments were as followed; "Thank You for telling me about & showing me the real Jesus for the first time in my life. I am beginning to read my Bible again, I am looking to find out more about Him, I am re-dedicating my life, I am returning to my Faith, and I am looking for a church to attend. I use to be an atheist. I use to be an agnostic. I am a person of another religion and different faith, but your Jesus is very interesting to me."


Here is what I wrote 2 years ago this very month.


Fear not the change of going No Contact [no contact with the abusive toxic person in their lives], with God all things are possible, and if I can do it, so can you. If He held my hand He will hold yours too. You don't have to be a card carrying Super Christian with perfect church attendance for Him to help you, you don't have to belong to a specific religion, you don't have to come from a perfect family background, you don't have to be as innocent & pure as the day you were born or of a certain sexual orientation, or any other lie people try to tell you or the devil whispers in your ear. 


We can hit our very rock bottom and sink so low according to society's standards, but there is no depth too deep for Jesus


Even if you feel like you have sold your very soul, Jesus will buy it back, and make things new again. The very second you turn to Him, you wont have to wait a second for Him to arrive. You will notice He has been there the entire time waiting for you. Those dark days when you are crawling, know that He is there crawling with you. When He reaches out His hand, all you have to do is grab it and if you are too weak to reach for Him, He will reach for you, if you allow Him, He will carry you through. There is saftey in the Savior's loving arms. And if you have to crawl, He will crawl too! 


GOD is with you. Feel His Presence. Let Him unlock the chains that keep you in captivity. Let Him take you through the Wilderness, providing and protecting you, and preparing you to enter into the Promise Land. This is about ending the Legacy of Abuse, and having the Blessing of the Legacy of Love, and an Abundant Life with Jesus Christ.



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