Friday, December 16, 2011

Little Lamb

Do you remember the first time you watched The Little Drummer Boy?

As a little child I wondered; Can GOD really bring back to life a little lamb that is dead? Over the years I often wondered would I ever see such a Magnificent Miracle like this, someone actually brought back to life? 

I have been a Christian for the past 15 years. During these past 15 years as I grew in my walk with Christ, I knew that GOD could do Great Miracles, but I wondered would He ever do such a Great Miracle that I may witness for myself with my very own eyes?

I use to think that only the Greatest of Christians, those born into loving Christian Homes were worthy of such an honor to witness a Miracle take place. Not coming from a loving Christian Family (quite the opposite in fact), I saw myself more like the unwanted & unloved dolly on the island of misfit toys.

Through the years I always felt broken to one degree or another. You would never be able to tell, because as a child I learned to suppress, and cover up my pain so well that on the outside I looked perfectly fine. Truth is, I never felt like I could quite measure up to others in the Christian World. Although the child abuse I suffered and endured was no fault of my own, I still felt shame, that if people knew about my horrific childhood that they would see me as "damaged goods."

I was fortunate to have great counselors & therapists who helped me process the pain of the past, but there still was a piece deep inside of me that was broken. This piece I discovered that was so broken & shattered comes from pain that your own parents don't love you. Even when you have the love of others you never out grow the need of a parent's love.

As good as counselors and therapists are there is a ceiling effect to how much they can help, and mend what is broken. What my relationship with Christ has taught me is that He was greatly wounded, so that the greatest of wounds could heal. Wounds, so deep that they tear at the very soul of a person.

The early part of my Christian Life was spent learning & knowing about Christ. The Bible is referred to as "The Holy Handbook" or "The Creator's Manual". If something is broken, or is not functioning at optimal level we need to look to the Creator's Manual to see how it can be mended, repaired, and restored.

For such a long time I believed the enemy's lies that GOD must not love me to give me not only one, but two very abusive parents, as well as an abusive uncle that viciously attacked me, and a once trusted teacher that abused me.

 By reading GOD's Word I discovered in Jeremiah 29:11 that abuse was NEVER apart of GOD's Perfect Plan for me, or any of us. Those who hurt me chose to do so against GOD's will, and GOD is clear about what will happen to them, especially since they have unrepentant hearts. 

To those of us who have been abused, and left to feel unwanted & unloved by their parents, "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors." 
Psalm 27:10-11

GOD promises never to forsake us and to be parent to the parentless. What the enemy meant to destroy me, has in fact blessed me in ways others will may never know in this life time, because they do not have the same need or void to fill. To actually know GOD as Healer we have to personally experience His Healing Touch & Love by being healed ourselves . I haven't just heard of His Healing, I have experienced first-hand His Healing, so I can say I know Him as Healer.  

GOD's Amazing Word & Love has healed me from a painful past, and has transformed my pain into Divine Purpose far beyond what I could ever imagine. I am so excited to see what GOD is going to do with this former unwanted and unloved Misfit. What I am currently experiencing is that everything is coming together to fit into GOD's Perfect Plan. Where we don't fit in the world, GOD has a perfect place in His Kingdom.

Jesus Christ is the Holy Shepard who lovingly picks up the little lost lambs of the world. His Sacred Love paid the price for not only our Salvation & Restoration, but also our Reconciliation with the Most High GOD.

This past Tuesday my precious Daughter Carissa was a little lamb in her Kindergarten Christmas Play. It reminded me of how Jesus Christ was born to be the Lamb of GOD to be sacrificed for the sins of the world, and to not only bring Salvation, but most importantly Reunification not just in our next life, but in this life. We are united with Christ in GOD's Kingdom to be Sons & Daughters of the King of Kings. And by GOD's Authority we can have & shall have victory over death in this life.

 Just over 5 years ago, when I was still in my first trimester I woke up having a horrible miscarriage, a huge puddle of blood and tissue surrounded me. The shock & emotional pain literally took my breath away. I was frozen in fear. My husband and I have tried to become parents for 12 years, and we suffered 144 painful months, some much more painful than others. Each month felt like the loss of a dream to have a family of our own. That morning our worst nightmare was coming true right before our eyes, and our hearts were being shattered into a million pieces. I witnessed my husband's heart shatter in the greatest agony he had ever experienced. It was the worst day of our lives. 

Then I felt the presence of the Lord, that "Peace that surpasses all understanding". Later when I was at the doctor's office, I witnessed the doctor's complete shocked face, as he said, "I am very concerned for all the blood loss & the tissue separation, but you still have a strong healthy heartbeat, as in your baby has a strong healthy heartbeat. This was a man who did not share our faith, but said, "there is nothing medically I can do for you to make sure you hold on and don't lose your baby, just keep praying." 

Months later when I was near the end of my pregnancy the doctor was examining my progress, and the same complete shocked look appeared upon his face as he said, "there is complete healing, no scare tissue, nothing to signify the previous tear & separation, as if it never happened." With the amount of tissue damage caused by the separation of my child being pulled away from my body I should have had some scar tissue from the natural physical healing. In other words, the doc was proclaiming the Supernatural Healing of Jesus Christ! 

The Lamb of GOD was slain and shed His Holy Blood over 2000 years ago, and 5 years ago He saved Carissa's Life before she was born, and in doing so I know He saved my Life and my husband's life too. This past Tuesday Carissa was honored to be selected to portray a little lamb in the stable of Bethlehem that first Christmas Day when Christ Jesus was born in a manger. 
Oh precious Lamb of GOD I Praise You for saving my little lamb, 
and being her Great Shepard.


  1. This is beautiful.

    All your pain is now victory.

    I am going through a loss so great that many days I feel that it would be better if I just died out of the way. My six perfect, beautiful children are all moving away to college or university or marriage. My house is empty with just one daughter at home. I didn't know how I would cope with this,the empty rooms, the lack of laughter and noise and the piano playing, and dreaded it.

    My husband, an educated professional, who has been excessively violent throughout our relationship, has compounded my loss by destroying what was the last family years, giving me no income at all, threatening to kill me repeatedly and having mistresses. He is now tearing the family home apart, literally and emotionally and although after 23 years of violence , the police have ordered him away, I have love for him still. Love is not destroyed because a person is violent, it just tears the abused internally, that person still longs to be loved. They still love and forgive and even forget past hurts. It tears the family also. I will never understand how one person could wantonly for their own pleasure willfully hurt those he is meant to protect and love. As Martin claims for himself our family home,and any money I earned from the forced sale of our second home, which the family used in the city, for the children to attend senior school and University. He hides all records of income and other homes he has purchased, while he destroys mine, I wonder how much do I give up? Where can I live as everything is sold? There is so much debt now to banks while he paid no mortgage payments on the family homes. But in prayer God asked me to pay down all debts. So I will.
    I gave up my career to raise the family. I cannot get employment. Where is a place for me in a younger workforce that thinks I'm a cute older woman, but not employable.

    So when all is sold where is a place for me? How do I and my youngest daughter, Katelyn, live as she starts senior school? How do we eat? How do we rent when I have no income? Katelyn says all will work out. And that has been my thinking through the needlessly harsh reality.

    Relish this perfect lamb of yours. This special gift. My Gifts from God assist me daily, in a call, a hug, lending me their scholarship money to get an old car, that is just perfect. I suppose I should see, each challenge as an opportunity to see Gods inventiveness. "I will not permit the righteous to be moved" "Stand firm", These passages come to mind.

    When I discovered the reality of Gods word in 1998,: that it was either a lie or it really was possible and worked, I realized that I could do all the miracles that Christ did, through His power in me. I was so transformed, that I saw God transform lives.

    Yet Martins harsh words brought me back to a reality that is miserable and powerless.

    I suppose I am now set free and can see miracles every day if I just catch hold of the promise again.

  2. Kerrie, please hold onto God's word and never give up. I had to leave my husband 3 times and finally asked for a divorce. Our circumstances are different, but 2 years later the Lord brought us back together through a mutual friend. The Lord has done miraculous wonders in both of our lives and we were remarried March 11th of this year. God may have other plans for you. You say you have an empty home with your children about filling it with other children? Love and prayers, Wanda